You Love Me, Bella
by Falcitus
Summary: Love is a funny thing. Some people will go so far as to delude themselves about its true nature, just to protect their own fragile little hearts. People like Rodolphus Lestrange. RodolphusxBellatrix. Implied VoldemortxBellatrix and Rodolphus/Rabastan.
1. Introduction

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Warning: There will be some swearing. Do not read if you are offended by this.

Book I

Rodolphus smiled vaguely. Bellatrix wanted to be his friend. He loved her and he knew she loved him.

"Roddy. Roddy, wake up. You aren't thinking of going out with that bitch, are you?" Rabastan's high voice cut through his fantasies like a shard of glass cuts through cloth. "I love Bellatrix. You love no one. Your best friend is your stupid, uncaring frying pan." Rodolphus's voice hurt Rabastan more than he realized. "I'll kill you for saying that. I'll kill you. I'll kill you for saying that Lucy doesn't care." "Bugger," Rodolphus said sarcastically. Rabastan burst into tears. "Get out of my way and just let me see Bellatrix," growled Rodolphus. Rabastan fled, still crying. Bellatrix slipped in. "You think I love you, Roddy?" she asked, smirking. "Yes. You do love me, Bella." Rodolphus wasn't willing to fight Bellatrix, but his voice was slightly more defiant than usual. "Do you really think I love you? Well, you're wrong. I don't love you, you deluded bastard. I love the Dark Lord."

Bellatrix was tired of her old games with him, tired of his delusions, tired of taking responsibility for his insanity. She could put a stop to it all, she had her dagger, she could just kill him.

But no, better to let him down hard, to tell him the truth, to explain to him one last time, to see the hurt in his eyes....and then she would leave him to suffer for a night, alone, and then she would come for him and kill him. She was drifting off into these fantasies when Rodolphus spoke to her.

God, she hated that voice, always cutting into her fantasies, always trying to make her believe in it...but she wouldn't believe.

"Bella. Listen to me. Are you okay? Are you alive? Bella, please wake up." Rodolphus was pulling on her arm now. "No. Go away, Roddy." Bellatrix jerked his hand away. It was so soft, so SQUISHY. Nothing like the Dark Lord's.

"Bella. You're going crazy, Bella. You love me. The Dark Lord is distant from all of us. You love me. Come back to me, Bella. Please, please come back to me, Bella." Rodolphus was trying to force himself into her field of vision...But she would not succumb.

This was not going as well as she had hoped. He was not hurt by it; he simply refused to believe in it.

"No, idiot. I. Am. Leaving. You. You love me. I love the Dark Lord. You don't have the brains to fight me. I'm leaving you. You're pathetic, you know. Go marry some stupid prostitute, for all I care." She shoved him back.

Rabastan buried his face in the pillow. It was so soft, so squishy...There went his pleasure.

Rodolphus was with Bellatrix, then. All his work was for nothing. Rodolphus didn't have the brains to run the place and Bellatrix would never let Rabastan do it.

The woman was a sadist, a psychotic, an obsessive servant...Wait, obsessive servant? He reached into the mahogany box by his bed. Inside it Lucy was cushioned by a plush emerald velvet lining.

He needed her; he needed his beloved frying pan. She had belonged to his mother. His beloved mother Cordelia had left him something.

It was only a frying pan, but a frying pan could be a real treasure. Lucy was the soul of his dear dead mother in metal. He had loved her, so he loved Lucy.


	2. Separation

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Warning: There will be some language.

Chapter 2-Separation

"Goodbye, Roddy. I'll say that one last time and then you'll be alone." Bellatrix opened the door. "COME BACK TO ME, BELLA!" At last, Rodolphus was feeling pain from her departure. This had been the plan all along, to make him love her, to promise him marriage, and then to leave him, to leave him and kill him in the night. "It's too late!" she called back to him. And then she was outside. Wet and shivering, she Apparated onto the front step of her own house. The pressure was comfortable after the rain. "Narcissa. Let me in, Narcissa." Narcissa flung open the door and was confronted with a wet and angry Bellatrix. Bellatrix stepped inside, growling. Narcissa closed the door behind her. "What's wrong, Bella?" she asked. "Let's go upstairs, Cissy, then I'll tell you." Bellatrix didn't want Walburga shouting at her right now. "Bella, what's wrong? I thought you were going to your boyfriend's house," said Narcissa as they climbed the stairs to the 4th floor. "My ex-boyfriend, you mean." Bellatrix grimaced. "He broke up with you? Poor Bella!" Narcissa sounded shocked. Stupid, na?e Narcissa. "No. I broke up with him." Narcissa gasped. "BELLA! How could you? That's--that's an awful thing to do!" Narcissa looked even more horrified than she sounded. "Don't complain, Cissy, he was a stupid little bugger." Bellatrix smiled; it was the smile of a sadist, admittedly, but all the same, Narcissa was glad to see it on her sister's pointed face. Meanwhile.  
"Roddy, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!" Rabastan flew at Rodolphus. "Ouch. You need to cut your fingernails." Rodolphus drew back. "You've just gotten the bitchiest woman in the world to break up with you!!! Congatulations!!!" Rodolphus looked sad. "I loved Bella," he said. 


	3. A Bloody Reunion

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. However, I do not own very much, and I will write the fanfiction anyway. **

**Warnings: Language, knives, Bellatrix. **

**AN: This fanfiction has dangerously high Bellatrix content. I'm sorry about the unreadable blocks of text for chapters 1 and 2. took out the paragraph breaks. Non-reviewers will get a bottle of water and a small bag of non-buttered expensive popcorn. Reviewers will get two slices of pizza and a large soda for free. And Chapter Two reviewers, most notably Slytherite, get four slices and free refills. **

**Anyway….**

Bellatrix pushed Narcissa away. "Go to bed, Cissy. It's late." Bellatrix did not want her younger sister to bother her. Narcissa left the room, grumbling. As Bellatrix got up to close the door, there was something dazed about her, as if she had retreated into her own head.

As it turns out, she had. Her memories of all the happy times she had spent with Rodolphus, just as friends, were running through her head, unstoppable…But no, she must resist, she must remember the Dark Lord, she had a duty to the Dark Lord. At that very moment, she felt her left forearm burn.

She sat bolt upright in bed, pulling her wet cloak back on, running outside, where she could go to her master. She ran to the small garden they kept for expressly that purpose, and Apparated to the abandoned manor the Dark Lord was living in.

She looked around cautiously. No one else was there. No one, that is, but a small, rabbitty man in a purple cloak. Bellatrix immediately pointed her wand at his throat. "It-it's me, Bella," he said, trying not to look at the wand now close to stabbing him. "And who are _you_, may I ask?" she snarled. "Ra-rabastan Lestrange," the little man stammered. "What are your homeland, manor name, and family crest?" Bellatrix demanded, lowering her wand only slightly.

"Our manor is near Inverness, Scotland, its name is Aquilam Manor, and our family crest is two eagles preening each other and two wands silhouetted against a full moon," said Rabastan, a little more confident now that Bellatrix wasn't trying to stab him with her wand.

"Fine," said Bellatrix, and went in.

Inside, it was wonderfully warmer and drier than it had been outside. The others were already there.

All heads turned to look at her as she walked in, with Rabastan cowering in her shadow, as if he was afraid that he would be killed for having Bellatrix question him about his identity. "You brought the rabbit-man in with you, Bellatrix?" asked a pale, blonde man near the far end of the table. "He was hiding in the bushes, Malfoy," replied Bellatrix, her voice steady. "I thought he was an Auror."

The man named Malfoy sighed, his eyes rolling heavenward. "As usual, Rabastan Lestrange being a coward," he said.

"I am not a coward!" Rabastan screamed. "Yes, you are," said a cold voice that Rabastan had not heard before. "Yes, Master!" shrieked Bellatrix, and whipped out her knife. Rabastan backed into a corner as Bellatrix pressed her knife to his throat. "No. Don't hurt him, Bella." The new voice was steady, intense, and deep. Rabastan knew it like he knew his nose, and he was glad Rodolphus was there to save him.

"Roddy." Bellatrix acknowledged him with a brief nod, and then turned back to Rabastan. "I know you've stopped me killing before, Roddy, but I'm not your lover anymore. You can't stop me killing him. This isn't your fight." Rodolphus glared back at her. "Bella, this is my brother you're trying to kill." He wasn't about to let her kill Rabastan.

"Ooh, defending your pretty little incestuous lover, are you, Roddy?" mocked Bellatrix. "Well, too bad. He's my kill."

Rodolphus glared at her for a minute before saying, "I'll fight you if I have to, Bella." He rose from his seat. "Enough," said Voldemort. "Bella, take Rabastan outside. He will stand guard. I will pick the other member." Bellatrix put her knife back in her pocket and pulled Rabastan up by his hair. "I can walk for myself, Bella," he said, betraying only the slightest twinge of irritation. If you showed more around Bellatrix, then that irritation was very likely to be your very last emotion. Bellatrix ignored him. She pulled open the door and dumped him outside. When she came back in, Voldemort was telling a young woman Bellatrix knew as a relative, but had never seen as much more than an underling, to stand guard outside with Rabastan.

"Bella. You are getting a promotion. You will, from now on, be the Dark Lord's right-hand woman and the High Killing Machine." Voldemort's voice broke into her thoughts.

She smiled blissfully, and then everything went black….

"Bella. Bella, are you all right?" Rodolphus again. "Bugger off, Roddy…" Bellatrix murmured. Where was she, exactly?

She opened her eyes. It was morning. She was lying in a bed, she knew that, and she wasn't at home. But where was the bed?

It had black velvet curtains. And a black quilt. She was alone. She twitched open the curtains. As she had expected, Rodolphus was sitting in a chair by her bedside. "Where are we, Roddy,?" she asked. '"I'll tell you if you'll be my girlfriend again," he said. "Yes. I will." She was touched.

"All right. We're in Aquilam Manor, near Inverness." His home. She was at his home.

**AN: Is this better? Remember, FREE pizza and soda for reviewers!**

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	4. The Bloodspattered Ring

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't even own a character in any story or fanfiction whose name is Harry Potter. However, as fanfiction is not illegal, I will write the fanfiction. **

**Warnings: Knives, Bellatrix, minor language, Britishisms, blood. **

**AN: For reviewers, if there are any, then the amount of food has increased to 6 slices of pizza maximum, a choice between soda and fruit punch with refills, and a cupcake. All free. For non-reviewers, there is a bottle of water, but it costs thirty dollars. **

**Now for the story! **_December 24, 1971_

"Bella, will you marry me?" asked Rodolphus, his hand trembling.

"I will ask the Dark Lord," replied Bellatrix, equally unsteady. "Good." He smiled.

He knew that Voldemort would tell her to marry him. He had asked him to.

Bellatrix smiled weakly and slid off the bed and onto her feet. "I'd better go home," she said. She didn't want to endure another second of his company.

As she left the room and started to search for the stairs, she slipped in a pool of something. Blood. "Oh, yeah, Rabastan brought some whore over. I stabbed her." Rodolphus pointed to the corpse, lying a few feet away. "But it's not like that'll stop him. He'll keep it for as long as he can, then dress it up in some stupid wedding dress and bury it." Rodolphus smiled. Bellatrix smiled too, after a minute. "I'm glad to see you've got the brain to kill someone for fun," she said. Rodolphus ignored the insult. "I'll be over for the funeral when he buries it," Bellatrix said. "I'll invite you, Bella." Rodolphus smiled. He led her to the stairs. After that, she found her way to the door fairly easily.

She walked to the foot of the nearby rocky hill, then Apparated home. She would ask the Dark Lord what to do, and he would tell her not to marry him, because he loved her, she knew he did. She wrenched open the door. Narcissa was waiting for her in the hallway. She looked like a ghost with her pale face and white nightdress. The fact that her usually bleached hair had turned dark again did not help. "How did your meeting go, Bella?!?" she asked breathlessly. "Regulus told me you were a Death Eater!" Bellatrix edged away from her younger sister.

"Don't listen to Regulus, Cissy. He'll believe anything. And he's too Victorian. But he was right, for once. I am a Death Eater, and a high-ranking one at that." Bellatrix smirked. "And Cousin Mira. She's in the inner circle, but she's my underling." Bellatrix smirked even more dramatically. Bellatrix froze. They had heard her conversation, she was sure of it. Footsteps. "Go!" Bellatrix hissed to Narcissa.

Narcissa dodged behind a curtain. Bellatrix watched her dark hair flick out of sight. Bellatrix stood calmly in front of the door. What was there to be afraid of? Druella was dead, Walburga was incompetent, Cygnus was also incompetent and not there anyway, Sirius was stupid, Regulus was Victorian, and Andromeda wouldn't perform Dark magic to save her life. She bolted back out the door when she found that it wasn't any of them. It was Mira. Oh no, Regulus's annoying older sister. The last thing she needed. She quickly Apparated back to the northern manor the Dark Lord had been using as his base. "My Lord! Bellatrix Black is here!" she called through the door before opening it. "Ah, Bellatrix," said Voldemort as Bellatrix walked in. No one noticed the dark shape that had slipped in after Bellatrix. "Master, Rodolphus Lestrange wants me to marry him. What should I do?" Voldemort tilted his head towards her. "Marry him, Bella," he said. "I think you would be very compatible with him. Both with a fixation on killing things. Both insane."

Bellatrix hurriedly bid him goodbye and left. Once outside, she Apparated to the Lestranges' house. She wrenched open the bronze doors. Inside, it was cool and dry. "Rodolphus?" she called to the silent house. "Rodolphus!"

Rodolphus came hurrying down the stairs. "Bella!" he said, overjoyed.

"I'll marry you, Roddy!" she said, not revealing her disappointment to him.

"Bella!" he screamed again. He pulled a small velvet box out of his pocket. She did likewise. She had brought the ring in case the Dark Lord told her to marry him. He opened his first. The ring's diamond was black. She pulled open her box before taking his ring. Hers had a red diamond. They put the rings on individually. Then Bellatrix pulled out her knife. She made a small cut first on his wrist, then her own. She let the blood from each cut flow into the other. Then she used magic to heal her own cut and left.

She Apparated home and hurried upstairs. She did not notice the woman slipping past her to the top floor. Mira was going to tell Regulus.

**AN: Yes, the blood thing is going to be important later on. **

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	5. Prisoner of Blood

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. However, I write fanfiction anyway. And I write it ridiculously fast. **

**Warnings: Bellatrix, blood, some amount of language**

**Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of updates. I missed my normal deadline and after that it was just procrastination. **

**As always, reviewers get free pizza. Unfortunately, all we have to drink is sugary flavored water and pink drinks. Rodolphus drank all the soda and Lucius claimed the punch. Please review anyway. We're ordering new drinks. And a Rodolphus guard. **

**Anyway…**

_**December 24-25, 1971**_

Bellatrix hung her soggy cloak in a wardrobe. She had to marry him now. The blood bond had some significance in the Wizarding world. She had promised him marriage with it, and now she could not go back on her promise. She had to marry him and she could not harm him without intention to kill. Even that would hurt her. Any harm done to one who had taken the blood bond would hurt the other in the bond. It was a rule. Even now, no one knew exactly how far the power of the bond extended.

She had been unwise, she saw that now. She could have left him easily enough before, but now there was no knowing what she might be forced to do for him.

She lifted a purple, rather bloodstained pair of robes that she used for pajamas out of the wardrobe. Damn it, she was exhausted. She slipped off the wet, bloodstained robes. Rodolphus's blood. Those were very likely to become her favorite robes.

Rabastan would be furious. No matter, she was a match for him any day.

Rabbitty little Rabastan. She lifted the purple robes over her head. So dry. The Dark Lord was dry.

She climbed between her blankets, also bloodstained. Ah, the glory of sleeping within your own little bubble, protected by four dozen enchantments….

Rabastan glared at Rodolphus. Rodolphus glared back at him. "I was taking a shower, Roddy!" Rabastan exclaimed. "I wanted some shampoo," Rodolphus responded dully. Rabastan took a deep breath and started beating up every inch of his brother he could reach.

Bellatrix was in a large room. It was dark. The only light came from a set of small red candles and the silver moonlight drifting through the single, barred window.

She was in a dungeon. It was a NICE dungeon. There were chains. All around the walls, across the doors, dangling down from the ceiling, there were chains. And the blood. The blood was spattered across the walls, across the iron chains, over the ceiling with its white bones, around the doors. She heard a key turning in the door.

The door creaked open.

She was the Dark Lord's prisoner.

Bellatrix woke with a start. Someone was shaking her gently.

She opened her eyes. She saw only dark blue cloth and dark brown hair.

Then she realized.

It was Mira.

"YOU! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you know!" Bellatrix shrieked.

"Try and kill me if you like, sister," Mira replied coolly.

"I don't think you can." She waved Bellatrix's wand in the air.

It was a split second before Bellatrix realized what had happened.

Mira had her wand. Mira was better physically and a powerful witch as well.

Bellatrix was wandless. Bellatrix was useless in a physical fight without Rodolphus there to help her. Bellatrix had the stronger magic. Mira had both their wands. Mira was almost as used to Dark magic as Bellatrix.

There was no question that while Bellatrix was wandless (and while Mira had her wand, she would remain so until Mira dropped it), Mira would win the duel.

And the worst thing was, she might not be able to summon Rodolphus to risk his life for her.

**AN: Please review! Our new punch arrived by plane while I was writing, along with a free Rodolphus guard. **

**The other drinks are being brought by truck. **


	6. A Christmas Duel

**Chapter Six: A Christmas Duel**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own this fanfiction, because fanfiction is just a bunch of words conveying a little meaning, and I couldn't possibly own words.**

**Warnings: Bellatrix, Dark magic, blood, corpses, some amount of language**

**AN: Yes, seriously, Bellatrix at Christmas. I'm writing this chapter early, to make up for the missed deadline. For first-time reviewers, let me tell you that there is free pizza and a choice between soda and punch. All are free. **

**Anyway…**

_December 25, 1971_

Bellatrix plodded downstairs after Mira. She would get her wand back someday.

And then Mira would be sorry she had ever stolen Bellatrix's wand.

"Merry Christmas, Bellatrix!" Regulus called from across the room.

"Christmas cracker, Bella?" Narcissa pirouetted over to Bellatrix. Bellatrix reluctantly took the Christmas cracker and pulled cautiously on one end.

She soon abandoned that course of action.

"Crucio! CRUCIO! _CRUCIO!!_ Why isn't the damn thing screaming?! AVADA KEDAVRA!!!" she screeched.

A passing caroler crumpled to the pavement as the curse sailed out the open window.

Regulus retreated into the corner, looking shocked. He was too Victorian for his own good. Narcissa looked horrified. Stupid, naive Narcissa. Mira joined in. Mira was the only competent one in the whole family. She was a danger. Bellatrix had snatched her wand back and now she turned on Mira.

Mira was faster. "Avada Kedavra!" she cried.

"Crucio!" Bellatrix shrieked. Both curses missed. Bellatrix began screaming every curse she knew at her cousin.

Mira responded in suit.

Eventually it was clear that their skills were closely matched.

Mira lowered her wand first. Bellatrix followed her.


	7. Happy Christmas Funtime

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. However, J. K. Rowling does. If you want to buy the series, go right ahead and ask her. It will, however, require a nasty mess to do with reprinting all the Harry Potters. Be warned. **

**Warnings: Bellatrix, some language (duh), whatever other possibly squicky content I see fit to put in**

**AN: As always, reviewers get their free pizza. If you do not review, you will have to eat muffins instead. HOSTESS Muffins. Now for the story!**

As Bellatrix lowered her wand, Regulus edged out from his corner chair. Narcissa removed her hand from her eyes. Narcissa was an idiot (and, now she came to think about it, almost as Victorian as Regulus. Except that that was impossible.). Andromeda forced a red-and-white Father Christmas hat over her elder sister's eyes. Narcissa forced a candy cane into her hand. Regulus cheered up a little and offered her a package.

Walburga threw a stocking at her. Cygnus emerged cautiously from behind a wardrobe, holding a hardwood board as a shield.

"Oh, you, leave us alone, soon the only Cygnus left in this family will be a grandson of mine when dear Regulus gets married," Walburga snapped at him.

For the rest of the day, a board was seen creeping around the house, poking Cygnus's head out, and scurrying out of sight.

Bellatrix ripped open her parcel almost savagely. Actually, very savagely.

Inside was a large book. A _book_. Probably from Regulus. She turned it over to look at the label. It was from Narcissa. She pulled out the book.

_Medieval Torture Instruments: A How-To Guide._ She immediately thanked Narcissa, albeit in a rather condescending manner.

Walburga chucked the stocking at her again. She opened it, although rather grudgingly. The first thing she pulled out was a candy cane. She offered that to Regulus; she didn't like sweets.

She reached in again and pulled out a handful of candy canes. She grimaced.

She reached in again. MORE candy canes. She reached to the very bottom.

More candy canes, but there was something else…it was a box.

She pulled out the Box. She opened it. It contained…a pile of comic books.

She turned to glare at the Sirius Who Will Not Be Mentioned.

"I didn't send you anything, _Bella._" He glared at her.

There was a KNOCK at the door. A KNOCK. No one knocked on the door. Narcissa opened the door happily. Bellatrix slammed the door in her face. Back and forth, Back and forth, Back and forth, Back and forth, Back and forth. Narcissa ran back to her stocking, crying.

Rolph Smith opened the door. Bellatrix slammed the door in his face, but Rolph persisted. Eventually Bellatrix gave up and let him in. He would be good entertainment value.

He always was.

Rolph looked around at the cheerful family gathering. Cheerful for the Blacks, anyway. He glanced at Bellatrix's present pile. He glanced at the wrapped box in his arms.

He tripped forward unsteadily. He offered Bellatrix the box. She smiled. "Oh, another present, is it? I'll open it and see what it is. If I like it, maybe you'll live a while longer." Her smile was worse than her grimace. She took the box. She examined the wrapping paper. It was gray, with the word 'kill' written all over it in untidy handwriting. It had a black ribbon, like the Dark Lord's hair in the old picture, before he had removed it. It was almost wrapped too well to open.

She untied the ribbon as best she could. "There's more of the wrapping paper inside," Rolph said, almost reading her thoughts. She would save most of the wrapping paper. It would make good wallpaper.

She ripped open the tape and set the paper off to the side. She opened the box. It was wooden. Inside it, there was a black silk lining. And a black velvet cover…she lifted the cover gently. She saw silver. She lifted the object out. It was a shining knife. She smiled and laid ti to rest in its box.

There was a note among the pieces of wrapping paper that had gone around the box, under the tape. She laid the wrapping paper with the other wrapping paper and picked up the note.

It said:

_Dear Bella,_

_I knew you needed a new knife, so I gave you this. Keep the case, too, and do what you will with the paper. _

_-Rolph_

Bellatrix smiled for a second. Then she dragged him outside and slammed the door.


	8. The Wedding Dress

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. However, someone has to, and that someone is J. K. Rowling. Why are you reading a Harry Potter fanfiction if you don't know who J. K. Rowling is. **

**Warnings: Bellatrix, minor language, blood, a corpse. **

**AN: Now that the cheery Christmas is over, back to our regular story. Don't forget to grab your pizza if you review. **

Bellatrix laid her presents aside and wandered off to find the tree. She found it in the drawing room and soon located her other three presents. One was a bag with an encyclopedia of murder methods inside; the others were badly wrapped boxes.

She opened the first box; it contained a shiny leather book with the title _Curses to Kill_. She looked at the label. That one was from Mira.

The second box was even more poorly wrapped and very ink-stained; it was from Rodolphus. Damn. She had wanted to forget about her fiance.

She opened it. Metal. She wasn't surprised, he liked metal. She opened the box itself. Oh good grief, little velvet boxes inside. On top of something else. Something soft.

She opened the largest box. Something glimmered inside. She lifted the object out cautiously. It was a long necklace. Silver. With white diamonds. It was really very pretty; she would give it to Narcissa.

Nonetheless, she was annoyed at him for sending her jewelry.

She opened two more. A matching pair of earrings and a ring. She laid them on top of the large box. She took out another two. The bigger of them was a little silver tiara. She really _hated_ that man. The smaller object was a short little necklace; she wouldn't be able to get it on without the use of the clasp.

She took out the last three. Another pair of earrings, a golden ring (what was he _thinking_!), and a silver…what? It looked like some sort of ponytail holder in formal guise. It was at least a tolerable gift, unlike the other jewelry.

She lifted out the soft object. It was folded and in a bag. She removed the bag, unfolded the object, and grimaced. It was a long white dress with absurd little rhinestones on the puffed skirt and sleeves. It had a little red silk rose on the bodice. It was ludicrous. Did Rodolphus really think she would be caught dead in that? It wasn't even her size; it was Narcissa's. There was more cloth under it.

A white veil. GLOVES. A stupid little white train (that's what she _thought_ it was).

She was furious.


	9. Lost

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I daresay Harry Potter owns Harry Potter….wait, are you talking about the book or the name?**

**Warnings: Bellatrix, annoying little rabbitty men, sudden flash-forward because I am bored with writing this right now, a murder scene, an attempted murder scene (these are Death Eaters I'm writing about, remember?)**

**AN: I have not updated, I know. I know I write ridiculously fast and fail to start writing until I have nothing else to do. Nonetheless, I write. This is also my Crackfic chapter, so be warned. Reviewers, remember your pizza. Non-reviewers do not get muffins because we ran out of muffins and they were destroying our budget. To the story! But please remember that there has been a flash-forward and it is now September 15, 1972. **

Bellatrix looked around her. She was on a windy hillside somewhere in the mountains. The sun was fleeing into the West. Bloody West. It was away from the North, away from the beautiful northern England where her love sat, planning.

He wanted her to marry Rodolphus so He could dispose of him, that she knew.

A sharp gust of wind awakened her from her thoughts. Something always was.

Good Dark Lord, where had the man _taken_ her?

She wondered what Rodolphus the High Idiot had been thinking when he decided to bring her out here, in his mountains, to a place far from Him, to the loneliest, most uninhabited, most Voldemort-free place on the planet.

He took her arm. In his mouth. "STOP CHEWING ON MY ARMS, YOU IDIOT!" she screamed.

**(AN: Om nom nom nom.)**

He tried again. He lifted her arm gently, in a squishy way. He tried to kiss her arm.

She pushed him away, pulled out her knife, and ran, slashing at everything she could reach, into the mountains.

Rabastan opened the back door.

"Dinner, Roddy!" he called.

But Rodolphus was too far away to hear.

Bellatrix looked around her suspiciously. She had been an idiot, she saw that now. She always seemed to be the one who made the mistakes.

She saw a chimney.

It was a nice chimney. Pleasant. It had gray smoke rising from it. She ran towards it. She heard footsteps. She ducked behind a bush.

She plucked several fruits from the bush.

She fired at the Muggle.

"What the—What the hell's happening?! HELP! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY THE BUSHES!" the Muggle shrieked.

She looked around cautiously, stuffed the stunned Muggle under the bush, and made a dash for the house.

She opened the back door, not bothering to be quiet. She looked around. She seemed to be in a common farmer's living room. There was an old patchwork sofa. There were bookcases and tables. There was a window. There were curtains around the room. And _signs_. Signs were for Muggles and idiots.

Nonetheless, they were helpful at the moment.

There was a sign that said 'Storage Room' and a sign that said 'Kitchen.'

Signs that said things like 'Master Bedroom' and 'Children's Bedrooms' or even 'Jenny's Bedroom' were also present.

She headed for the storage room.

As she opened the door, something squeaked within. She laughed. If there was something inside, then stealing the camping gear would be all the more fun for her.

She stepped inside and flipped on the light switch. It was a crowded room, full of objects of various shapes and sizes. There were signs in here, too.

For example, a large green one that said, 'Camping Gear.'

She looked around cautiously once again, then ran over to the pile of objects and picked up a tent, a sleeping bag, two large full bags, a flashlight, a large empty bag, and whatever else was in the bags.

She flipped off the light switch and ran.

As she ran, she jumped onto the cart of the Muggles.

The cart then started rolling downhill like mad. It was the most Bellatrix could do to hold onto the side with one hand and onto her camping treasure with the other.

At last, the cart rolled to a stop at the foot of the hill. Then she realized. She was stuck. She was at the bottom of the hill and she had nothing to pull her cart. There had probably been a Muggle in the storage room. She would have to go kill them all now.

And steal some horses.

Rabastan slammed the door, grumbling. He _hated_ Rodolphus sometimes, however much he might love him. He walked over to The Passageway. The Passageway was one of their secret passages and it was the easiest way to get to the storage room. Anyone who tried getting in through the main way was risking a slow and painful death. He pushed aside the velvet curtains and tapped annoyingly on the portrait underneath.

That was the password, to try to be as annoying as you possibly could.

When tapping didn't work, he tried dancing around stupidly, waving his arms occasionally, and singing Beatles music.

As the portrait opened, he remembered the other trick: You had to get past a closet. It was idiotic. You had to walk through a closet to enter the passageway.

The best way to do so was to ignore the clothing, because it was all imaginary anyway.

It wasn't hard at all, or painful. It seemed like there was nothing painful these days.

The storage room did not seem so large or hard to get to as it had in the day when he had been a stupid naive little bugger.

He soon came across the Camping Equipment.

He took a tent, two sleeping bags, two large bags, and a smaller bag. That was all he needed or wanted. He turned off the light. However, he did so by magic, got the spell wrong, and doused himself in water as well as effectively extinguishing the torches.

Grumbling even more severely than he had been earlier, Rabastan left the room and set off to his own room.

Bellatrix left the cart there, safely out of sight, and walked back up the mountain.

When she reached the house, she looked under the bush first.

The Muggle woman was still lying there. She looked even more stunned than she had after Bellatrix had thrown berries at her.

"I'm your thief, your berry-thrower," whispered Bellatrix. "And I will also become your murderer, very soon." The woman trembled. "Please don't hurt me," she begged. "I never did anything to you." Bellatrix smirked. "You'll tell the police."

"No, I promise, just don't hurt me."

"You will. So I have to kill your family as well. But first I want to ask you some questions. What is your name? I want it for the records."

The woman shrank back. "Miriam Smith."

"Right." Bellatrix smiled.

Rabastan was looking through his possessions. Yes, Lucy, he would have to take her. She was his Lucy. He dumped Angela the spatula back into the chest.

He put Lucy into one of the compartments. He moved on to his chest of drawers. He preferred wardrobes, but he needed the chests of drawers sometimes. He pulled open the first drawer. Ah, the toothbrush. Yes, he would take that…Some toothpaste. Useful and there was no point in having the toothbrush without it.

Bellatrix left Mrs. Smith's body lying there. Now for her family. She pulled open the back door; the front door was locked. She checked the storage room first. The small child was bound to be in here, still. She found it rather quickly. The dead woman's small son appeared to mistake Bellatrix for its mother.

She glared at it and tossed her long hair back from her pointed face. The stupid baby appeared to get the message. It knew that she was the thief who had come earlier, the strange woman who had taken its camping gear.

She raised her knife.

Rabastan put the toothbrush and toothpaste into one of the compartments. He examined the shampoo and soap bottles he now drew out of the drawer. Why _not_? Soap was essential to his personal hygiene, after all.

He put them in with the toothbrush and toothpaste. He moved on to the next little compartment of the drawer. Ah, his hairbrush; that might be useful. He peered inside…was there anything else? Oh, yes, the cuticle scissors. He took out the scissors in their case and moved on to the next compartment.

Bellatrix lifted the dead baby in her arms and moved on to the kitchen. There was someone in here, a female child standing on a chair next to the pantry. Bellatrix laughed hysterically. "What is your name, girl?" she called. The girl looked down nervously. "Er—Jane," she replied uncertainly.

"All right, then, _Jane_," Bellatrix said sarcastically. "Whats-his-name, your brother—"

"Older or younger brother?" asked the girl called Jane.

"Younger, I don't care!" snapped Bellatrix.

"Johnny, then."

"Whatever. Anyway, _Johnny_ wants to talk to you, Jane." Bellatrix looked slightly shaken from being argued with by her planned victims. "He does? I thought he was looking for his toys in the storage room," the girl said curiously. She looked down. She screamed.

Rabastan peered into the compartment. Ah, yes, the large makeup compartment. He needed makeup to look healthy, if he didn't wear it everyone mocked him and called him sickly. He dumped the whole contents of the compartment into a small part of the bag he was now filling. He moved on to the next compartment. The _small_ makeup compartment. He dumped the contents of that, too, into the part of the bag. He moved on to the next drawer. Rabastan pulled something out at random. Ah, the joys of pajamas.

Grumbling, Bellatrix set the baby in the stupid Muggle oven and turned the oven on high. That should be interesting. In the meantime, she headed for the staircase. Best to try to find the second son now.

Now, Bellatrix didn't know this at the time (and never did, seeing as they're all fictional), but it may turn out to be important for the readers to know that the older son, Richard, saw everything that had happened and had escaped to the house of his girlfriend, Anne. He then built up a police charge against Bellatrix.

Rather obviously, Richard wasn't in the study, the room Bellatrix checked first. But Jenny was. "Do you want to find out how to cook fresh meat?" demanded Bellatrix. "Well, I can tell you! Nice fresh cooked human! Do you have a second oven? I am cooking in the first one!"

As it turns out, they did. And as Jenny walked unsteadily downstairs, Bellatrix darted ahead of her to get the dead Jane out of the plastic bag she had been stuffed in.

When Jenny finally reached the bottom, Bellatrix offered her the body of her sister. And, despite what fluffy pink Traditional readers might expect, Jenny did not seem upset or even angry. She seemed thrilled.

And she, who knew how the oven worked much better than Bellatrix did, proceeded to heat the oven up and, while it was heating, put the body on a tray and apply Italian seasoning to it.

And everyone had baby-roasting funtime.

Rabastan threw the pajamas into the main compartment of his bag. He moved on to the next drawer.

"You know, Madam, we could have a good joke on my father," commented Jenny. "He's usually upstairs, enjoying the afternoon with his mistress, this time of day."

['Camera' cuts to Mr. Smith playing a board game with a young woman]

"You're right, you know," said Bellatrix grudgingly. "If he's upstairs, we could feed him the stupid little babies."

They set to work, clearing the little table of clutter. Bellatrix started poking around the kitchen, searching for plates. Jenny reached into a cupboard and extracted a pair of fine crystal goblets. She then proceeded to get out a pair of glass plates and show Bellatrix where the silverware was.

When the table had been laid with exquisitely cut glassware and shiny silverware, Jenny took the babies out of the oven and laid them on platters. She cut up some lettuce for a salad and put it in a large glass bowl. Then, when 'dinner' was ready, Jenny hurried upstairs to call her father. The lovers had finished the meal before Bellatrix, smirking, told them that they were eating their child.

"And there's another thing I wanted to ask you about, Madam," said Jenny. "I've been having these weird things happen for ages and no one knows what's causing them."

Bellatrix looked rather surprised. "You're a witch," she said shortly. Jenny looked thrilled. "Does that mean I get to come with you?" she asked, excited.

"Yes, yes, you do, although I have no fixed destination," said Bellatrix, obviously bored.

**(AN: "I have no fixed destination" is snooty-wizard-speak for "I'm lost")**

"But you will have to take food and something to pull my cart from this house," finished Bellatrix.

After Rabastan had finished packing his clothes, he moved on to Rodolphus's bedroom. Best to try to tempt him home with familiar things. A sweater, a pair of robes, and his old hat would do. He threw them into the last empty compartment in his suitcase. He then proceeded to throw the sleeping bags and the tent into the second large bag. Now for food. He set off down the stairs adjacent to Rodolphus's room. Hmm, yes, some water…he would have to use something to keep the bottles from breaking, though.

He finished packing the food. Then he proceeded to put on his warm cloak.

He was ready to go.

At the same time, Bellatrix was sitting on her stolen cart waiting for Jenny to come back with horses. She already had her food and she had killed the two Muggles.

A strange noise let her know that the horses were coming. And Jenny, unless the horses had run her down.

She was ready to leave this place.


	10. Rabby Goes to the Hospital

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Harry Potter owns Harry Potter....wait, are you talking about the book or the name?**

**AN: Sorry for taking so long to write the new chapter; first I forgot to work on it, then I got Writer's Block, then our other computer with Internet broke and my sister started spending all her time on the one I use to write, and then we went to Venice, then this computer broke so that the drive with the fanfiction on it wasn't accessible anymore, AND we went off to San Francisco, and now I have to start over. If you plan to review or have done so before, take as much pizza as you please. Flash-forward to Christmas, so that I can write a scene that wouldn't work otherwise. It still doesn't work very well. If you want to read the story, you'll have to deal with the bad timeline. **

**Warnings: Badly written dramatic scenes, axe-crazy racist wizards, insanely short chapters.**

Rabastan walked up to a tree. He stuck the tent and sleeping bags underneath the lowest branch, grabbed onto it, and tried to pull himself upward. He also jumped, at about the same time as he pulled. The result was that he landed upside-down in the tree with one leg straight up in the air and the other draped over a branch; one arm was still clinging to the lowest branch. "Oh, _bugger_." Rabastan couldn't hear his own voice over the wind.

He realized that Rodolphus would have reacted if Rabastan had suddenly landed a few feet beneath him. So he climbed upwards. No Rodolphus. He decided to jump out of the tree. Fair enough. But there was a catch. He didn't realize that the branch he wanted to jump from was considersbly higher than the one he had climbed onto, he walked to the end of it...

...and _jumped._

It was lucky for him that a hiker heard the screams. If no one had been around when he fell (he refused to admit that he had been stupid enough to jump out of a tree for years, by which time he had already gotten himself a life prison sentence and broken out), he would quite possibly have died lying there with most of his bones broken. At least it would have been shady, although the snow on the ground would have been uncomfortable.

He was delivered to the home of the hiker, who was fool enough to think that he could take care of a man with many of his bones broken at home, and stayed there for about three days, at the end of which the hiker realized that he would do better in a hospital. This turned out to be a Muggle hospital. Hilarity ensued when two of his friends (more or less his only friends, come to that) tried to visit. These friends being Regulus Black and Barty Crouch, Jr.


End file.
